LYRICS:

We’re the cousins, who ruled over dozens
King George, Tsar Nick and Kaiser Billy.
When the century started we could hardly be parted
But that was long before the frightful First World War.

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I’m King George and when young I forged an alliance with these two.
Through Queen Vic we were related, together world power she created.
I’m Tsar Nicholas with George mischievous, swapped uniforms at posh dos.
We looked like twin set, had matching beards
Right royal family, if a little weird.
Drove advisors round the bend, so all that friendship had to end.

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We’re relations, crowned by our nations
Great Britain, Russia and Germany.
When our governments fell out, peaceful relations put in doubt.
Conditions perfect for the frightful First World War.

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I’m Kaiser Wilhelm, I kind of felt a bit left out from the rest.
They had beards, I only had a moustache
Feared my withered arm gave me less panache.
I loved the military, thought at diplomacy, I would be the best.

We sent telegrams, hoped to stop the bombs
But they weren’t worth the paper they were written on.
I called England mad March hares.
You didn’t help avert war there.

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Now all leaders that all succeed us
Great Britain, Russia - both against me.
I was in charge of German troops -
But you proved to be hopeless, oops!
The commanders they ignored in the frightful First World War.

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My family ties embarrassing, our kinship now a hassle
I changed my German surname to Windsor like the castle.
Then Russian Revolution came Nick said help me mate!
I couldn’t support him, had to leave him to his fate -
Execution - ooh!

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And when the war was no more
We won - we lost - call it a score draw.
I was the only one left in charge
I ran away but still at large.
And all this frightful war could do was set up World War Two
Which was us against you.

Boo boo be doo!