LYRICS:

We’re the cousins, who ruled over dozens
King George, Tsar Nick and Kaiser Billy
When the century started we could hardly be parted
But that was long before the frightful First World War

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I’m King George and when young

I forged an alliance with these two
Through Queen Vic we were related

Check out the world power she created

I’m Tsar Nicholas, with George mischievous

Swapped uniforms at posh dos
We looked like twins, had matching beards
Right royal fun, if a little weird
Drove advisors round the bend

To war, that friendship had to end

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We’re relations, crowned by our nations
Great Britain, Russia and Germany
When our governments fell out, peaceful relations put in doubt
Conditions perfect for the frightful First World War.

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I’m Kaiser Wilhelm, I kind of felt a bit left out by the rest
They had beards, I only had a moustache
Feared my withered arm gave me less panache
I loved the military and sought at diplomacy, I would be the best.

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We sent telegrams, hoped to stop the bombs
But they weren’t worth the paper they were written on.
I called England mad March hares.
You didn’t help avert war there.

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Now all leaders, not all succeeders
Great Britain, Russia - both against me.
I was in charge of German troops -
But you proved to be hopeless, oops!
The commanders they ignored in the frightful First World War.

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My family ties embarrassing, our kinship now a hassle
I changed my German surname to Windsor like the castle.
Then Russian Revolution came Nick said help me mate!
I couldn’t support him, had to leave him to his fate -
Execution - ooh!

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And when the war was no more
We won - we lost - call it a score draw.
I was the only one left in charge
I ran away but still at large.
And all this frightful war could do was set up World War Two
Which was us against you.

Boo boo be doo!