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Victorian Inventions

The Victorians sing their very long list of inventions.

IN THE STYLE OF

Music hall pastiche

LYRICS BY

Dave Cohen

FROM

Series 2 Episode 7

LYRICS:

‘Twas the age of Queen Victoria, a period notorious
So many brand new goods we did create.

Our list is long and glorious, though I don’t intend to bore yous,
Was a time of great invention.

 

Was it really? What did we invent then?

Well I’m just about to mention, drum roll please, let's raise the tension
We invented this music hall.

Is that all? Well…


A chap called Henry Bessemer invented molten steel
Which led to other chaps creating the automobile
Which let to petrol, tires and bikes so all that was required
Was roads so concrete came and tarmac thought up to.

(You're hired!)

​

Ohhh...

Concrete, tarmac, steel
The automobile
Seal of rubber wheel
Such inventive zeal

Still there’s plenty to reveal.


Victorian brains worked over time to come up with ideas.
We invented lights bulbs - Nice one - Cheers.

Typewriters and radios, now news was fast conveyed. (Hello?)
A telephone was no good till a second phone was made. (Hello!)

​

Our inventors did not snooze
Always had another rouse
The latest flushing loo
Films that did amuse
Flashbulb cameras to use.

What a picture! What a picture!

​

Vacuum cleaners, toilet paper, postboxes and stamps,
Toilets, aspirin, anaesthetics, locks, electric lamps,
Sewing machines, X-rays, comics, ice cream in a pot,
Easter eggs and rockets, we invented the whole lot.

​

Ohhh - Hang on there’s more.

​

Trains and lines and bridges and the underground as well
Paddle steamers prams and disinfectant for their smell
Sterile doctors instruments, one last unmentioned brand
Victorians invented the worlds first conveyor band.

​

Cuddly toy? - Invented 1902, the year after Victoria died.

​

Ohhh...

Barometers were new
Iron ships a coo
What genius. Thank you
Seems we’re almost through

Just one little oversight…

We invented dynamite.

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PICTURES:

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