Horrible Christmas Carols
The team perform a collection of alternate Christmas carols, shedding the terrible truth behind the popular songs.
LYRICS BY
Caroline Norris
MUSIC BY
Richie Webb
FROM
Series 2 Episode 14: Horrible Christmas
TUNE IN FOR A GRUESOME CHRISTMAS (CBBC ADVERT):
We've got you a gory Christmas,
We've got you a grizzly Christmas,
We've got you a gruesome Christmas
On CBBC
​
With blood, guts and gore
Wee, poo, farting and more
We've got you a ghastly Christmas
Horrible Histories
​
There's death, blood and mutilations,
Disease, war and altercations
And all sorts of degradations
Especially for you
​
There's cruelty and approbation
Disaster and amputation
A real festive celebration
And all of it's true
​
Tune in for a gory Christmas
Tune in for a grizzly Christmas
Tune in for a gruesome Christmas
On CBBC.
SILENT NIGHT:
Silent night
Not quite
What a noise
What a sight
Drunken peasants swaying around
Trying to sing, an ungodly sound
They're all out wassailing
If they think that's in tune they're failing.
​
Silent night
It's come to light
Often ended
In a fight
That's the middle ages for you
It is funny because it is true
Not very peaceful or quiet
Basically it was a riot.
WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS:
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year.
​
The Monarchy's back
The Puritans gone
Though everything's better
Some things still go wrong.
GOOD KING WENCESLAS:
Good King Wenceslas was not
Like the carol you sing
Didn't help peasants, that's rot
Was a Duke, not a King.
He didn't collect firewood
Nor trudge through the cold snow
Though that story is quite good
The truth we think you should know.
​
Born in 907 AD
He came from Bohemia
And spread Christianity
To people near and far.
But what happened to the Duke
Not nice to discover
This next bit may make you puke
Murdered by his brother.
O CHRISTMAS TREE:
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
You really came from Germany.
An ancient German tradition
Was based on a superstition.
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Brought here under King George Three.
His wife was German, thanks to her
The Palace got its Christmas fir.
​
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Then only known by royalty.
'Twas not till Queen Victoria
That you became so popular
She gave Christmas another lift
When under the tree she put gifts.
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Now I know your true history.
SIMILAR SONGS:
Merry Victorian Christmas
Victorian Inventions
Victoria & Albert: A Love Ballad
PICTURES:
