LYRICS:

When I was a young prince, my father took me into the palace

To say I'd rule the land

He said, 'son, when you grow up you'll be king, the great king of the Tudor

Your life's already planned'

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But I dropped dead at fifteen, they gave my crown and queen

To my brother, who later divorced her

And they left me, a side note, a phantom in the sad parade

Of great kings that never were

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Poor Edward died of dysentery, we call him The Black Prince

No throne for him, that stylish warrior

When Frederick got awful sick, his dad George was relieved

Cos as an heir, Fred was below par

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We can't rule on, we can't rule on; so let's hear it for the roll call

Of kings you never knew at all

We can't rule on, but don't forget the kings you never had

Cos we all died before our dads

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Disappointing Fred drew his last breath (oh, oh, oh)

Ed looked cool but pooed himself to death (ah, ah, ah)

And there's also me; and don't forget Alphonso...

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We could have ruled but we were gone so

We could have had a King Alphonso

There's no King Fred to be anointing

Because he's dead, dead disappointing

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The never-kings, the sad procession

It really stings, we've no succession

We died too young, that much is clear

Stomach ache or diarrhea

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