Joan of Arc
Not your typical knight in shining armour. French teenager, Joan of Arc, says she was called upon by God to lead an army against the English.
PARODY OF
Price Tag by Jessie J feat. B.o.B
MUSIC BY
Richie Webb
FROM
Series 5 Episode 5
LYRICS:
Ok, pamplemousse, baguette and brie. Are you ready?
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I’m Joan Of Arc from Domremy
Religious visions came to me
God said save France from the English
And make Dauphin Charles king
Dauphin means heir to the throne
But England claimed the crown as their own
We had a hundred years of war
This girl had to do something
So I did it like a dude, cut my hair
Gave up wearing dresses, bought a pair
Of trousers, no blouses
Said I wanna fight Angleterre
​
Charles let me join the army, army, army
Know that might sound barmy, barmy, barmy
I proved impressive, hit by an arrow and lived
English troops I over ranny, ranny, ranny
Defeated them at Patay, Patay, Patay
We saved Orleans and Charles was crowned tres bon
​
Me leading troops, a long shot
Vut I was a lucky mascot
Inspired soldiers with bravery
Fought injured and survived
​
But in 1430
Burgundians captured me!
King Charles couldn’t pay my ransom
No-one told me why
​
Being prisoner was not my style
Tried escaping from my capture’s vile
But then the English who fought me, bought me
Made me stand, trial!
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So where was King Charlie, Charlie, Charlie?
He’d given up and left me, left me, left me
In the English snare, whole thing so unfair
​
They put me in a uh-huh, n-nunnery
They said don’t be uh-huh, f-funnery
If you dress like a male
We’ll put you in men’s jail
​
Joan of Arc - you’re charged with sorcery.
You’re just jealous cos God speaks to me.
Say you speak to saints? In this discourse? What language do they speak?
French of course.
Pah! Now you’re in prison, they have failed ya.
I say it’s God’s plan that you’re my jailer.
Here’s a trick question in that case;
Do you think you’re in God’s grace?
​
If I am not may God put me there
And if I am may God so keep me.
Oh your smart remarks go round the houses.
You’re guilty of heresy (and wearing men’s trousers).
​
Despite my testimony, mony, mony
Condemned for reasons phony, phony, phony
But my will did not break
So they tied me to a stake.
​
Burned alive was my destiny, tiny, tiny
And here is the irony, rony, rony
My death led France to put on war paint
And crush the English, so now I’m a saint.