LYRICS:

Here's the tale of me, Matilda
And my fight with cousin Stephen to succeed Henry I's throne.
My wife's also called Matilda
Quite confusing cause we choose to claim Matilda's throne our own.
I'm Henry that Matilda's son
You got that? Here's the story of our spat...

Starts in 1135 when King Henry, my father, died
And I think you'll find named me, Matilda, as his heir.
But his nephew, Stephen, said - that crown should be upon my head
I'm a man and men come first. What? It's only fair.

Had married Geoffrey of Anjou, stuck in France not Waterloo
When Steve, without a voulez-vous, took throne from me.
Should be dancing queen - oh stop causing such a scene!

Gimme, gimme crown and take a chance on me
I'm heir to the throne not you, aha!
Think you'll get it back, now that I'd like to see.
Oh I do, I do, I do!

Fought in Lincoln - she caught me - was proclaimed first English Lady.
But she made many enemies, remember me? I'm Stephens wife.
Made royal counsellors agree that she lacked femininity
Took Stephens army and besieged her - eurgh, more strife.

I was trapped, so faked my death

Hid in coffin, held my breath
Escaped - You think that I'm impressed?
Well I'm not
Just look who I've got - your half brother, want to swap?

Gimme, gimme hubbie and we'll fight again
The winner takes it all, aha!
In Oxford I'll besiege - and I'll escape and then
I'll join the battle call!

Age 14, I fought but lost, so Uncle Stephen stayed as boss.
Who should be ruler, mamma? Me-a! Here we go again!

Sadly my darling Matilda caught a fever and it killed her
I gave up my dream to build a Royal dynasty.
When my son died had no heir which was a bind!

Gimme, gimme crown 'cos next in line it's me.
You can have it when I'm done. Aha!
So Empress Matilda never did make queen
The throne went to my son.

(Knowing Mum, knowing you.
Everybody happy? Good!)