LYRICS:

Yo, I’m a master inventor, the greatest in China

Wasting my time with these Athenian whiners

We invented everything from goldfish to bum wipers

We were inventing while Greeks were still in diapers.

 

Democracy, geometry, and even physics

The marathon, the play and even the Olympics

The alarm clock, the anchor and central heating

The only way you’re gonna win this is if you invented cheating.

 

You want a list, we’ve got oodles

We invented noodles

While you were doing doodles

On the paper we invented for you.

 

OK, sit down, pull up a chair,

Like my steam engine, you’re full of hot air

We invented mathematics, we even invented pi

Oh, and by the way, your mamma says hi.

 

Check it out. Greeks might fill pages with their books

But we invented fishing reels for reeling in your hooks

Acupuncture, silk, cross bows and the bell

Our inventions are awesome, while yours just smell.

 

(No, I ain’t beat, I ain’t beat.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo

Did we invent the yo-yo?

OK, what about dominoes? – That was us.

Yeah, all right, what about the compass, yeah? – Yeah us.)

 

Give it up man, the word is on the street

Is was China versus Greece and you got beat!

 

Yeah, it’s true, you guys invented a lot of cool stuff

And yeah, beating that is gonna be tough

But I have something that will have you all shushin’

I’m a mighty Roman, home of the whoopee cushion.