LYRICS:

I’m William the Conqueror my enemies stood no chance

They call me the first English king although I come from France

1066, the Doomsday book I gave to history

So fat on death my body burst, but enough about me

 

To help remember all your kings I’ve come up with this song

A simple rhyming ditty for you all to sing along… oh!

 

William!

(Bit short init? We need more kings. Who came next?)

 

William Second, cheeks were red; killed out hunting, so it’s said

I took over, Henry One - That’s my next eldest son

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Then King Stephen, it’s true check it

Hi, Henry Two, killed Thomas Beckett

Richard Lionheart, that’s right, always spoiling for a fight

Oh King John, what a disaster - rule restrained by Magna Carta

 

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John - oi!

Time for my mate, King Henry Eight

To take up this song

 

Henry Three built the abbey, Ed One hated Scots

A red hot poker killed Ed Two, that must have hurt him lots

Edward Third was a chivalry nerd, began the Hundred Years War

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Then Richard Two was king aged ten, then Henry, yes one more

King Henry Four, plots galore, not least from Henry Five, moi!

I killed ten score at Agincourt then Henry Six arrived (waah!)

 

Edward Four, Edward Five, Richard the Third (he’s bad)

‘Cos he fought wars with Henry Seven, first Tudor and my dad

So Henry Eight, I was great; six wives, two were beheaded

Edward the Sixth came next but he died young and so my dreaded

Daughter Mary ruled, so scary, then along came - me!

I’m Liz the First, I had no kids so Tudors RIP

 

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John - oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

That’s me, time for more men

 

James Six of Scotland next, as English James the First he led

Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the First, the one who lost his head

No monarchy until came me, Charles Two, I liked to party

King Jimmy Two was scary, ooh, then Mary was a smarty

She ruled with Bill, their shoes were filled by sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria

And so from then you were ruled by men - Till along came me Victoria!

 

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

Still to come, it’s Queen Victoria!

 

And so began the Hanover gang, George One and George Two - grim

Then George the Third was quite absurd - Till I replaced old him

King George the Fourth, and known henceforth, was angry, fat and cross - Hang on!

It’s true you beat Napoleon, but were mostly a dead loss - Bang on

Old William Four was a sailor - Ahoy - It’s nearly the end of the story-a

As onto the scene comes the best loved queen; hail to Queen Victoria!

 

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria (…Victoria…Victoria…Victoria…)

(I ruled for 64 years, you know.)

 

Ed Seven, George Five, Ed Eight, George six,

Liz Two then reigned - and how!

And so our famous monarch song

Is brought right up to now, oh…

 

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria

Edward, George, Edward, George Six

And Queen Liz Two completes the mix!

Not quite! Now there's me, Charles Three*

 

That’s all the English Kings and Queens

Since William first that there have been!

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*Added in 2023