LYRICS:

Everyone thinks they know the story of Dick Turpin’s highway glory
But my past was far more gory - was no saint.

You think life is one big antic; my profession is romantic
Hate to be pedantic, but it ain’t.

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(Ha!)

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As a butcher down in Essex I was handy with a knife
Had a sideline as a poacher led a less than honest life.

The notorious gang of Gregory liked my style and dedication
They signed me up and gave me a real robber’s education.

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We rampaged through the Essex farms, we stole and robbed and fought
But when the law came for us I escaped and they got caught.

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I became a highway man was daylight robbery (Ha!)

I was no prince charming, nothing dandy about me (Ha!)​

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The truth is I was violent and with my good mate, Matt King
Robbed travellers at gunpoint – money, watches, anything.

My horse it wasn’t called Black Bess, although that’s what you’ve read
Was no romantic hero, shot not one but two men dead.

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The legend that surrounds me misses out the crucial part
I was a ruthless killer with a ruthless killer’s heart.

 

I was a vicious highwayman, a source of pain and tears (Ha!)

When you hear how my story ends you won’t believe your ears (Ha!)

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I ran away to Yorkshire changed my name to John Palmer
Was sent to prison for stealing chickens from a farmer.

Wrote a letter to my family, a plea it did relate
The postman saw the envelope and here’s the twist of fate

He had taught me how to write so he’d knew I’d lied,
“That’s not John Palmer’s hand – That’s Dick Turpin’s” he cried!

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I was a vicious highway man my crimes had brought me fame (Ha!)

Was stitched up by a postie that’s not glamorous - that’s lame! (Ha!)

No more stand and deliver, you’ll remember this I hope (Ha!)

It’s no fun hanging with highwaymen when you’re… hanging from a rope.